the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
