I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
