I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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