All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize