We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
