you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
