I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
