Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
