i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
