can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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