oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
40s are totally the cure
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
