i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
