you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
