I will die if light touches me.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize