I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
