She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
