he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
