So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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