i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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