i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
