Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
