those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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