McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
