Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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