He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
