You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
