Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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