i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
