end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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