that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
