glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I wish you could order shots online.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize