3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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