Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
