We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
