i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
