its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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