you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
