Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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