My nipple is on Facebook.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
