he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
