Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
