Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
