Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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