I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
