No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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