Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
