i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
