I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
