piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
