Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
