i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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