i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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