Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
