I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize