he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
