if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
