I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
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