What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize