I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
