He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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