He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
