The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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