you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
