We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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