I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
