No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
